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  <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:derek32188</id>
  <title>Speaking The Unheard Truth</title>
  <subtitle>You Don't Know Me, So Don't Act Like You Do</subtitle>
  <author>
    <name>You Don't Know Me, So Don't Act Like You Do</name>
  </author>
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  <updated>2004-11-17T03:06:31Z</updated>
  <lj:journal userid="3935436" username="derek32188" type="personal"/>
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  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:derek32188:30164</id>
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    <title>Farewell.</title>
    <published>2004-11-17T03:06:31Z</published>
    <updated>2004-11-17T03:06:31Z</updated>
    <lj:music>Method Man - The Prequel</lj:music>
    <content type="html">This just might be my final entry.</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:derek32188:29713</id>
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    <title>derek32188 @ 2004-11-15T14:56:00</title>
    <published>2004-11-15T19:56:05Z</published>
    <updated>2004-11-15T19:56:05Z</updated>
    <content type="html">Field trip today, exciting. Went to the state house for recycling. so incredibly boring, but it beats astronomy. oh yeah watch channel 10 news, you just might see me.</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:derek32188:29320</id>
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    <title>derek32188 @ 2004-11-12T14:21:00</title>
    <published>2004-11-12T19:21:46Z</published>
    <updated>2004-11-12T19:21:46Z</updated>
    <content type="html">What would you label me as? Be honest. Just tell me what you would label me as, or, if you know, what other people label me as. Think about it, before you knew me, or knew me well, what did you label me as, and now, if you know me well, what would you label me as? Thanks.</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:derek32188:29070</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://derek32188.livejournal.com/29070.html"/>
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    <title>derek32188 @ 2004-11-10T17:51:00</title>
    <published>2004-11-10T22:51:12Z</published>
    <updated>2004-11-10T22:51:12Z</updated>
    <lj:music>The Used - Soundeffects and Overdramatics</lj:music>
    <content type="html">Hmmm. I've got this strange feeling that makes me keep thinking about last year, or the year before...It's kind of weird. Seems feelings change with the seasons.</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:derek32188:28680</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://derek32188.livejournal.com/28680.html"/>
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    <title>derek32188 @ 2004-11-10T13:44:00</title>
    <published>2004-11-10T18:44:31Z</published>
    <updated>2004-11-10T18:44:31Z</updated>
    <content type="html">Wow, I beat Halo 2 that quick..</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:derek32188:28473</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://derek32188.livejournal.com/28473.html"/>
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    <title>derek32188 @ 2004-11-07T17:56:00</title>
    <published>2004-11-07T22:56:35Z</published>
    <updated>2004-11-07T22:56:35Z</updated>
    <content type="html">I don't understand why, but it seems some things tend to bother me more than others. Like one of my friends, told me about how one of her friends(who I have met before), is really becoming a "slut". Why does this bother me? Who knows. I've met this girl once...I just don't understand why she would do the things she does. I dunno. Just like when I found out about someone smoking, I was so incredibly dissapointed, it bothered me so much and I can't figure out why, but when I found out other people smoked, it didn't bother me...Hmmm. I don't get it. I just hate to see people do things in their life, that will affect their life in the future...it will affect the way people see them, talk about them...I dunno. I just don't like it. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;My advice to all of you:  We're still young, immature. We don't know everything. We aren't better than everybody, or anybody for that matter. As of now, we aren't significant to the world as a whole, but everything you do affects the ones you love, the ones you hate, and even people you don't know. Think about what you do before you do it. Don't do things to get recognized, to be cool, to be popular. Don't do things because others are doing it. Don't do things for others, unless you are helping them(within reason). We're only human, humans make mistakes, we have flaws. Don't let your mistakes or flaws get you down. You are significant to your family, your friends, your friends' friends, people you don't even know. For example: My friend tells me about her friend, and look at what it has inspired me to write. I just don't want to see any of you destroy your future, only to be labeled something, be percieved something by your peers. It's not worth it because your peers won't be around you all your life. Be smart, do things that will better your future, but in the meantime, do things to keep you happy. What people think about you shouldn't make you happy or sad. Some people are going to like you, some will be indifferent, and others won't like you. Some people will be nice, some people won't be. Some people will talk shit about you, and some won't. Don't let what other people say or think get you down...you know why they say hurtful things publicly? Because they may have a problem similar to yours, and they want to distract attention from themselves to you, or they may see something good about you, or fear that you may replace them, and distract attention from the good side of you, to the flaws. Every fucking human has flaws, just everybody has different ones. Some people are naturally assholes, they can't help it, some people are naturally followers...Combine assholes with followers...and you know what you get, a bunch of assholes. Assholes are only assholes because they recognize their own flaws and try to cover them up by revealing other peoples flaws. WE ALL HAVE FLAWS SO WHEN SOMEONE POINTS OUT YOURS, DONT LET IT GET TO YOU. Hate only creates hate. When you say something mean to someone, it generates hate. Maybe not immediately, but if you say more mean things to them...Hate grows. Hate spreads. Don't contribute to the hate in this world. I've strayed from the original point of writing this. But I can't help it.I wish people would stop being so quick to distract attention away from their flaws. I keep repeating myself but I have no other way of saying it. THINK REAL HARD. When your talking about something, and the topic is getting close to a subject that would involve something that you don't like about yourself, one of your falws, something of that sort...What are you gonna do? Try and move the discussion in another direction. or in a group of people, if someone says something negative about you, about what you have or have not done, your physical appearance, your friends, family, something you believe in, etc...What do you do? You jump to the defensive. You retaliate with something negative, or...you wait. You wait till you can get them back. There is one flaw that all people share. We all share the weakness to society. We allow ourselves to adapt to society. We alter ourselves to fit into this corrupt, hateful, and ugly society. When we do this...what do we do to ourselves? If we allow ourselves to become a product of our enviroment....It's like a disease...Hate...Envy...Greed...Spite...Corruption...They all spread like a fucking disease...WE ARE ALL SUSCEPTIBLE TO THE DISEASE BECAUSE WE DON'T RECOGNIZE IT'S PRESENCE. FIGHT IT. Don't allow yourself to become a product of our society. Strive for difference. Dont be tainted by what you see or hear on tv, in movies, or what you see your "friends" do, your family do, or your peers do. Whether you know it or not, everything you do or say, is for a reason. Some people's main goal is sex, for others it's popularity, fame, and others it's money. We are all the same because we have goals set in our minds, and if we really truly thought about them we would be sick with ourselves. I've rid myself of these goals as much as I can. This is the one piece of advice I've given people that I have actually been able to follow to a certain degree. Strive for difference. We don't need popularity, sex, drugs, or money for happiness. What do we need to be happy? We need friends. True friends. We need people who will listen to us, people who will care, and try to help. People that will try to make you not listen to the things other people say. I've seen the good and the bad people. I know who's "good", and who's "bad" or who's hasn't been tainted, and who has been. It's a sick world we live in, and we are growing worse and worse. Society is becoming worse and worse, more and more negative, more and more competitive. Strive for difference, fight the evil of this world, don't let it taint you. Be a hero, not a victim. Please, think before you do something. Do things that will truly make you happy, don't do things to add to the way people percieve you. Life is life, you get one chance, and there is no fucking point in wasting it caring about what other people think. You are who you are and nothing can change that. &lt;/b&gt; &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Oh, and please. Don't fucking make fun of people...just quit that shit. You know what making fun of someone does...it only creates hate...Yeah you get a good laugh out of it for what..a fucking minute. Is that really worth it? I mean, so many people think being socially acceptable is the key to happiness, so when you do that, your shitting on their so called "happiness" You're just participating in this fucked up society which grows worse every day. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Live life the way you want to, go with whatever society does, believes, or do what you think. follow your heart, not your tainted mind. Be YOU, be what you like, do what you like, don't be what society says is okay, don't do what society says is okay.</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:derek32188:28331</id>
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    <title>derek32188 @ 2004-11-06T17:18:00</title>
    <published>2004-11-06T22:18:21Z</published>
    <updated>2004-11-06T22:18:21Z</updated>
    <content type="html">r&lt;br /&gt;o&lt;br /&gt;l&lt;br /&gt;e&lt;br /&gt;m&lt;br /&gt;o&lt;br /&gt;d&lt;br /&gt;e&lt;br /&gt;l&lt;br /&gt;381</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:derek32188:27993</id>
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    <title>derek32188 @ 2004-11-05T23:48:00</title>
    <published>2004-11-06T04:48:01Z</published>
    <updated>2004-11-06T04:48:01Z</updated>
    <content type="html">&lt;b&gt;Saw&lt;/b&gt; is easily the best movie I have ever seen in my life.</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:derek32188:27616</id>
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    <title>derek32188 @ 2004-11-04T14:26:00</title>
    <published>2004-11-04T19:26:28Z</published>
    <updated>2004-11-04T19:26:28Z</updated>
    <content type="html">Figures...I get the script about these four kids who wanna make a movie about a a dude named cracka who's comin up in the rap game....</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:derek32188:27264</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://derek32188.livejournal.com/27264.html"/>
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    <title>derek32188 @ 2004-11-03T18:29:00</title>
    <published>2004-11-03T23:29:18Z</published>
    <updated>2004-11-03T23:29:18Z</updated>
    <lj:music>Q Strange - Eternal Bliss</lj:music>
    <content type="html">this kids mom died when he was just 15 &lt;br /&gt;left with his pops but pops was a coke fiend &lt;br /&gt;who didn't give a fuck about him &lt;br /&gt;he even thinks that he'd be better off without him &lt;br /&gt;he goes to school with no friends in his mad poor &lt;br /&gt;he misses his mom even though she was a crack whore &lt;br /&gt;comes through the back door so dad wont see &lt;br /&gt;cause after school at 3 he gets greeted with a beatin &lt;br /&gt;he has to go around with no smelly cloths and no socks &lt;br /&gt;while other kids rock nikes and reebok&lt;br /&gt;he's not, happy with his miserable existence &lt;br /&gt;sometimes he has the urge to just say good riddance &lt;br /&gt;grew up around drugs but never thought about tryin it &lt;br /&gt;tried not to become a product of his environment &lt;br /&gt;he tried to sit and talk to his pillow like a psychiatrist&lt;br /&gt;screaming into it why did she have to die &lt;br /&gt;mom was in a program to get off the stuff &lt;br /&gt;I guess she wasn't ready or strong enough &lt;br /&gt;But if she was alive that wouldn't be good either &lt;br /&gt;Cause dad use to beat her everyday and mistreat her &lt;br /&gt;He hates his father but its all he has left &lt;br /&gt;He doesn't want to live but he's afraid of death &lt;br /&gt;But maybe he thinks he'd be better off dead &lt;br /&gt;He grabbed the paper and a pen wrote a note and it said &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;happiness is all I want but I am trapped by misery &lt;br /&gt;and no one understands or even cares if I just live die &lt;br /&gt;there is only one way out and I am not afraid to take it &lt;br /&gt;it's the only way I see is suicide &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;he feels a little nervous cause he doesn't no what method &lt;br /&gt;would be the best to end it &lt;br /&gt;he's startin to cry now &lt;br /&gt;time out &lt;br /&gt;he wants to just think it though &lt;br /&gt;life stinks its true &lt;br /&gt;but theres gotta be a better way &lt;br /&gt;a better day might come but it aint likely &lt;br /&gt;it's a constant battle in this life it fights me &lt;br /&gt;he thinks that he's a coward when in fact he's real brave &lt;br /&gt;never gave into temptations that put his mother in the grave &lt;br /&gt;he wants to be saved but no one hears his cry's for help &lt;br /&gt;except for god in heaven still he wants to kill himself &lt;br /&gt;he wasn't brought up to know about god and the bible &lt;br /&gt;his whole short life has been nothing but survival &lt;br /&gt;suicidal thoughts invading his young mind &lt;br /&gt;sunshine is somethin he aint seen in a long time &lt;br /&gt;he cant take the loneliness and the sadness &lt;br /&gt;goes in the other room and gives his dad a kiss &lt;br /&gt;even though he's passed out from the drugs &lt;br /&gt;its still all he has so in a way he still loves him &lt;br /&gt;he wants to join his mom in eternal bliss &lt;br /&gt;got in the bathtub and sliced his wrists &lt;br /&gt;and as he watched the blood pour out of his veins and down the drain &lt;br /&gt;he said goodbye to the pain ...&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;                                     -Q Strange</content>
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  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:derek32188:26740</id>
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    <title>derek32188 @ 2004-10-31T21:17:00</title>
    <published>2004-11-01T02:17:26Z</published>
    <updated>2004-11-01T02:17:26Z</updated>
    <content type="html">old dirty jews can suck my ballsack if they arent gonna fuckin give me candy&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;i didnt get shit for candy, and i didnt do shit else cept chill with couple people.</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:derek32188:26583</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://derek32188.livejournal.com/26583.html"/>
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    <title>derek32188 @ 2004-10-27T22:23:00</title>
    <published>2004-10-28T02:23:17Z</published>
    <updated>2004-10-28T02:23:17Z</updated>
    <content type="html">&lt;table width="350" style="margin: 5px; border: 2px solid #000000; padding: 5px; font: 10pt arial, verdana, &amp;#39;sans serif&amp;#39;; color: #000000; background-color: #ffffff" align="center"&gt;&lt;tr style="background-color: #ffffff; font: 12pt arial, verdana, &amp;#39;sans serif&amp;#39;;"&gt; &lt;td colspan="3" style="text-align: center; border: 1px solid #0000C0"&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.theferrett.com/livejournal"&gt;The Ultimate LiveJournal Obsession Test&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br&gt;&lt;/td&gt;&lt;/tr&gt;&lt;tr style="background-color: #DCE4F4"&gt;&lt;td style="padding: 4px; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-bottom-color: #0000ff; border-bottom-style: solid; color: #000000;" width="125"&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Category&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/td&gt;&lt;td style="padding: 4px; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-bottom-color: #0000ff; border-bottom-style: solid; color: #000000;"&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Your Score&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/td&gt;&lt;td style="padding: 4px; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-bottom-color: #0000ff; border-bottom-style: solid; color: #000000;"&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Average LJer&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/td&gt;&lt;/tr&gt;&lt;tr style="background-color: #F7F9FD;"&gt; &lt;td style="vertical-align: top; font-weight: bold; color: #000000;" width="125"&gt;Community Attachment&lt;/td&gt;&lt;td style="vertical-align: top; color: #000000;"&gt;&lt;b&gt;13.98%&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br&gt;You have one or two loyal pals on LJ... But you probably have better things to do with your time.&lt;/td&gt;&lt;td style="vertical-align: top; font-weight: bold; color: #000000;"&gt;22.33%&lt;/td&gt;&lt;/tr&gt;&lt;tr style="background-color: #ffffff;"&gt; &lt;td style="vertical-align: top; font-weight: bold; color: #000000;" width="125"&gt;MemeSheepage&lt;/td&gt;&lt;td style="vertical-align: top; color: #000000;"&gt;&lt;b&gt;22.81%&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br&gt;Only trendy when it's sufficiently entertaining&lt;/td&gt;&lt;td style="vertical-align: top; font-weight: bold; color: #000000;"&gt;28.07%&lt;/td&gt;&lt;/tr&gt;&lt;tr style="background-color: #F7F9FD;"&gt; &lt;td style="vertical-align: top; font-weight: bold; color: #000000;" width="125"&gt;Original Content&lt;/td&gt;&lt;td style="vertical-align: top; color: #000000;"&gt;&lt;b&gt;51.61%&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br&gt;Using LiveJournal to express a few strong opinions&lt;/td&gt;&lt;td style="vertical-align: top; font-weight: bold; color: #000000;"&gt;38.03%&lt;/td&gt;&lt;/tr&gt;&lt;tr style="background-color: #ffffff;"&gt; &lt;td style="vertical-align: top; font-weight: bold; color: #000000;" width="125"&gt;Psychodrama Quotient&lt;/td&gt;&lt;td style="vertical-align: top; color: #000000;"&gt;&lt;b&gt;28.92%&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br&gt;Known to go off without warning&lt;/td&gt;&lt;td style="vertical-align: top; font-weight: bold; color: #000000;"&gt;17.11%&lt;/td&gt;&lt;/tr&gt;&lt;tr style="background-color: #F7F9FD;"&gt; &lt;td style="vertical-align: top; font-weight: bold; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-bottom-color: #0000ff; border-bottom-style: solid; color: #000000;" width="125"&gt;Attention Whoring&lt;/td&gt;&lt;td style="border-bottom-width: 1px; border-bottom-color: #0000ff; border-bottom-style: solid; color: #000000;"&gt;&lt;b&gt;9.09%&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br&gt;Low-key and lovin' it&lt;/td&gt;&lt;td style="vertical-align: top; font-weight: bold; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-bottom-color: #0000ff; border-bottom-style: solid; color: #000000;"&gt;20.74%&lt;/td&gt;&lt;/tr&gt;&lt;tr&gt;&lt;td colspan="3"&gt;&lt;div align="center"&gt;	&lt;a href="http://www.theferrett.com/livejournal"&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Take The Ultimate LiveJournal Obsession Test&lt;br&gt;and see how you match up! &lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/td&gt;&lt;/tr&gt;&lt;/table&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:derek32188:26301</id>
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    <title>derek32188 @ 2004-10-26T14:46:00</title>
    <published>2004-10-26T18:46:10Z</published>
    <updated>2004-10-26T18:46:10Z</updated>
    <lj:music>Silverstein - Bleeds No More</lj:music>
    <content type="html">Hmmm. Fuckin' feel like shit. This week is going by slow. I don't have any plans for this weekend...which blows. I'm skipping monday..November 1st, then there's no school Tuesday, so give myself a nice little vacation. I don't know if I'm going to go tomorrow...depends on how I feel. Ugh. Thought about some things lately..eh. Just found myself wishing for somebody I can't have. Oh well. Fuckin' cut my finger last night. Pain in the ass. Yeah that's bout it. Peace.</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:derek32188:25950</id>
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    <title>derek32188 @ 2004-10-24T15:27:00</title>
    <published>2004-10-24T19:27:12Z</published>
    <updated>2004-10-24T19:27:12Z</updated>
    <content type="html">What y'all doin' for Halloween?</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:derek32188:25438</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://derek32188.livejournal.com/25438.html"/>
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    <title>War All The Time</title>
    <published>2004-10-21T18:40:47Z</published>
    <updated>2004-10-21T18:40:47Z</updated>
    <lj:music>Thursday</lj:music>
    <content type="html">Standing on the edge of the Palisades' Cliffs in the shadow of the skyline,&lt;br /&gt;Very far away like a lightning rod that couldn't pull the storm from me,&lt;br /&gt;When I was five years old, my best friend's older brother died.&lt;br /&gt;He fell from these cliffs and the river washed him away, &lt;br /&gt;The current pulled him downstream,  &lt;br /&gt;And our lives float in the headlines so we park these cars in our parents' garage,&lt;br /&gt;Listen to the lullaby of carbon monoxide.&lt;br /&gt;War all of the time in the shadow of the New York skyline. we grew up too fast now we're falling apart like the ashes of American flags. &lt;br /&gt;if the sun doesn't rise, we'll replace it with an H-bomb explosion. a painted jail cell of light in the sky like three-mile-island nightmares on TVs that sing us to sleep,&lt;br /&gt;They burn on an on like an oil field or a memory of what it felt like to burn on and on and not just fade away,&lt;br /&gt;All those nights in the basement, the kids are still screaming, on and on and on and on.&lt;br /&gt;War all of the time, in the shadow of the New York skyline. we grew up too fast falling apart like the ashes of American flags. &lt;br /&gt;and we're blowing in the wind. we don't know where to land so we kiss like little kids,&lt;br /&gt;We used to be very tall buildings but we've been falling for so long,&lt;br /&gt;Now your eyes are a sign on the edge of town, they offer a welcome, when you are leaving,&lt;br /&gt;War all of the time, in the shadow of the New York skyline. we grew up too fast falling apart like the ashes of American flags,&lt;br /&gt;When the pieces fall it's like a last-day parade and the fires in our streets start to rage so wave to those people who long to wave back,&lt;br /&gt;From the fabric of a flag that sang "Love all of the time".</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:derek32188:25108</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://derek32188.livejournal.com/25108.html"/>
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    <title>derek32188 @ 2004-10-20T14:49:00</title>
    <published>2004-10-20T18:49:26Z</published>
    <updated>2004-10-20T18:49:26Z</updated>
    <content type="html">I'm asking everybody, if you got an extra wallet picture, you think you I could have it? I wouldn't mind having some pictures of my friends.</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:derek32188:24710</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://derek32188.livejournal.com/24710.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="http://derek32188.livejournal.com/data/atom/?itemid=24710"/>
    <title>derek32188 @ 2004-10-18T19:26:00</title>
    <published>2004-10-18T23:27:00Z</published>
    <updated>2004-10-18T23:27:00Z</updated>
    <lj:music>Colton Grundy - Dayz Of My Neighborhood</lj:music>
    <content type="html">Do you remember when you were a child, when nothing mattered, when life was all fun and games....before reality set in.</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:derek32188:24458</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://derek32188.livejournal.com/24458.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="http://derek32188.livejournal.com/data/atom/?itemid=24458"/>
    <title>derek32188 @ 2004-10-17T22:05:00</title>
    <published>2004-10-18T02:05:18Z</published>
    <updated>2004-10-18T02:05:18Z</updated>
    <content type="html">Meeting tomorrow morning...</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:derek32188:24190</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://derek32188.livejournal.com/24190.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="http://derek32188.livejournal.com/data/atom/?itemid=24190"/>
    <title>derek32188 @ 2004-10-17T12:16:00</title>
    <published>2004-10-17T16:16:17Z</published>
    <updated>2004-10-17T16:16:17Z</updated>
    <lj:music>Colton Grundy - Shot-Gun</lj:music>
    <content type="html">Got to drive a bit this weekend. Thank god cause I haven't driven in like a month and my test is in like a month. Played some monopoly friday night. got to hang out with CJ, and got to see Katie.</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:derek32188:24025</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://derek32188.livejournal.com/24025.html"/>
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    <title>derek32188 @ 2004-10-14T21:23:00</title>
    <published>2004-10-15T01:24:06Z</published>
    <updated>2004-10-15T01:24:06Z</updated>
    <content type="html">You know, it's sick how simple it is to get into a car accident.</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:derek32188:23520</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://derek32188.livejournal.com/23520.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="http://derek32188.livejournal.com/data/atom/?itemid=23520"/>
    <title>derek32188 @ 2004-10-14T14:50:00</title>
    <published>2004-10-14T18:50:13Z</published>
    <updated>2004-10-14T18:50:13Z</updated>
    <content type="html">What the fuck....a 73 in History...</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:derek32188:23152</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://derek32188.livejournal.com/23152.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="http://derek32188.livejournal.com/data/atom/?itemid=23152"/>
    <title>...and I've been waiting for so long, to hold you in my arms</title>
    <published>2004-10-14T00:34:17Z</published>
    <updated>2004-10-14T00:34:17Z</updated>
    <lj:music>Hawthorne Heights - Screenwriting An Apology</lj:music>
    <content type="html">Yeah, I didn't go to school today. Big surprise. Seems I'm beginning to develop a very bad habit. I need to quit this shit. I've already skipped..8 days?...something like that. Damn Halloween is coming up quick. I need to figure out what I'm doing. Whether it be going up to Salem with Kyle, or Trick or Treating with CJ. Hmmm. School is going really well, besides all the social encounters. Ha. I don't really go to lunch anymore. Oh, feel free to give me a call sometime. 269-9960. Finally putting some money on it tomorrow. I sold my Entertainment Book for $8.27. Disappointing, but it's still a profit. I'm selling some other shit also, and once I can really start working on these masks, I can start making some money. I need some model paint or something. Hmmm. My license is a little over a month away...November 19th. I still need to save up for Halo, and then my car. I wish I could find a CRX for sale, cheap. Thaty would make me so fucking happy if I got a fucking CRX. I wouldn't mind an si, but I'll take what I can get...if I can get one. I wanna get a new cell phone, I honestly don't like mine much...but I'll live. It's better than not having one at all. I would kill for a VM Vox 8610. Shit's dope. I wanna know what the fuck is going on with this job I'm supposed to be helping my mom with. 50 bucks a night, one night a week. Fucking easy. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;div align="justify"&gt;"You know, me too well"&lt;/div&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:derek32188:22863</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://derek32188.livejournal.com/22863.html"/>
    <link rel="self" type="text/xml" href="http://derek32188.livejournal.com/data/atom/?itemid=22863"/>
    <title>Hello my first name is Distance, and I really don't care if I never wake up again.</title>
    <published>2004-10-09T03:35:40Z</published>
    <updated>2004-10-09T03:36:50Z</updated>
    <lj:music>The Used - Maybe Memories</lj:music>
    <content type="html">Today wasn't too bad. School went well. Astronomy was alright...Algrebra was soo fucking long. Test was easy though. History wasn't bad, lunch was alright, and video went well. Very well. Found out I don't have to go on air for the studio shoots. I can do behind the scenes work. Fuckin'...I'm stuck in an...alright...group. Hope that goes alright..lol I'm only gonna be working with Nate, and Steve Berry I believe, wont have to deal with the other guys really. Chilled with Pete, Tory, and Katie tonight. Played some bball with Tory and Pete.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a name="cutid1"&gt;&lt;/a&gt;Ugh. Another week gone by. Nothing new, Nothing accomplished. Nothing. It's all the fucking same. I'm sick of it. Fucking eh. I wanna smoke...but I can't. Fuck weed. Fuck it. I fucking hate it. Wish I had never started smoking. For all I know weed increased the amount of mental problems I have(ADHD, Depression, Social Anxiety Disorder). Depression and SAD weren't really a problem till after I started smoking. Who the fuck knows. Fuck it though. I wanna drink now. Everyone talking about weed and alcohol makes the cravings so much worse. Oh well. I don't have a problem with drinking, so next chance I get, heh. Well, other than that...what's bothering me. Hmmm. Sick of seeing things work out for everybody except me. It's like yeah, everybody gets the shit end of the stick at some times, but sooner or later they're gonna get the good side. Me. Shit side, all the time. Honestly I have nothing going for me right now. The Adderall is keeping me partially sane. I can't deal with social situations anymore. I can't. I just fucking can't. Put me in a situation where there is either a lot of people or one person I don't know or don't like....and it completely changes everything. I hate never having anything to do. I hate having like the minimum amount of friends. Yeah I have plenty of fucking aquiantances, but few friends. I hate it. I hate being sexually unexperienced. I hate being different. I hate it. I fucking hate it. I wish I could be social like most people. I wish I could just make small talk with someone I don't even know. I wish something would go right for once. What has gone right for me in the past? What? Anything? Come on, someone name something good that happened to me. I miss having people to talk to, I used to always talk to Kim and shit. I miss that. I used to always talk to Sophie. I miss that. I used to always talk to Court, I miss that. It was nice being friends with them, or being able to hang out with them. The whole Kris thing destroyed all of that pretty much. It's not his fault. I mean, when you introduce any of your friends to your other friends...it never works out...or at least for me it doesn't. I introduced Kris to Tory, Court, Sophie, Kim...All them kinda. That, my friend, had an awful turn out. I introduced Tim to my friends. Everyone looveess Tim. Wasn't as bad with him considering the fact that he didn't try and look better than me, and I appreciate that. What I wish is fuckin, I wish I had a group of friends that I could call my best friends, we all would be good friends. But no. I look around and see everybody, everyone has like a certain group of friends they hang out with, and they are almost always with them. I consider a best friend to be someone you ALWAYS talk to and someone you ALWAYS hang out with. So I pretty much don't have one. For a while, Greg was my best friend. Then he got heavy into weed, and sex and shit...and we just drifted. Andrew was my best friend for a while, but I mean...eh. Him and Greg are closer and it's just weird sometimes. Like I'm still mad chill with Andrew and all, but eh. Kyle, is probably closest to my best friend out of all right now. I hang out with him more than anyone, he listens to me, he understands me, we talk about anything...but eh...feels like somethings missing. You know what was so fucking great abotu being with Court? I always had someone to be with, someone who I knew cared, someone who I knew was there. People say they care, or say they're there for you, but the words you speak are not always the truth. I loved that. I had so much fun with her. and when that ended, it was just such a drastic change, I mean I went from having no social life what-so-ever, to having one, and then back to not having one. and let me tell you, not having a social life sucks major ass. I mean yeah, I've made some progress since last year but I mean...c'mon. If I'm in a social situation, I don't take advantage of it....because usually...fuck it...almost always...there's someone else there...that the person I would like to talk to...would rather talk to. I mean I'm not interesting, funny, or anything. I suck a conversing with people. For a while I was able to accept it, accept me, who I am, my problems. But after tonight, I mean talking about a lot of shit it just..eh. I mean I'm not all depressed or anything. Just eh. I hate this. Like I fucking avoid lunch constantly. I'm also fucking glad they shortened the lunches...god anymore time and it would be fucking hell. I hate my problems, it seems that I happen to have more than most people...and its like what the fuck. Why me? What the fuck did I do to deserve this? Huh? The statement "Nice guys finish last" is so fucking true it's not even funny. Honestly. I try to be the nice guy. Actually I don't really try, that's what I am. I respect people, I do my best not to embarass them or insult them in public, I fucking take the time to listen to people, and try and help them...Why can't I get something good in return...? Seems all I get in return for treating people the best I can....is fucking shit. More fucking problems. I can't wait to see what I'm like when I'm an adult...if I ever make it that far. No I'm not fucking suicidal, right now at least. That was mainly last year...but who knows...it may come back. I hate depression, I hate social anxiety disorder...I hate my problems. I hate me. I wish I was an asshole. Yeah. Thats fucking right. I wish I was a fucking asshole like most of you...Cause it fucking seems the fucking assholes get everything, they live the fucking life.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;I don't even know what to fucking complain about anymore. Probably many statements contradicting others in this, if so, I apologize. When I get like this my positions on things tend to shift a little, or I think of something else and they kind of just go together and contradicts something I said previously.  It's all just a big fucking mess. But that's my life for ya. Now fuck off you fucking prick.</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:derek32188:22219</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://derek32188.livejournal.com/22219.html"/>
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    <title>derek32188 @ 2004-10-07T20:45:00</title>
    <published>2004-10-08T00:45:52Z</published>
    <updated>2004-10-08T00:45:52Z</updated>
    <content type="html">&lt;a name="cutid1"&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;1.) copy this list into your journal&lt;br /&gt;2.) bold the things that apply to you&lt;br /&gt;3.) add one thing that is true about &lt;br /&gt;... I used italics for the ones that have a "it depends" sort thing.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;01. I miss somebody right now&lt;br /&gt;02. I don't watch much TV these days&lt;br /&gt;03. I love olives &lt;br /&gt;04. I love sleeping &lt;br /&gt;05. I own lots of books&lt;br /&gt;06. I wear glasses or contact lenses&lt;br /&gt;07. I love to play video games&lt;br /&gt;08. I've tried marijuana &lt;br /&gt;09. I've watched porn movies&lt;/b&gt; &lt;br /&gt;10. I have been in a threesome&lt;br /&gt;11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy&lt;br /&gt;13. I love ice cream&lt;/b&gt; &lt;br /&gt;14. I like and respect Al Sharpton &lt;br /&gt;15. I curse sometimes &lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year &lt;br /&gt;17. I have a hobby&lt;/b&gt; &lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;18. I am very smart&lt;/b&gt; &lt;br /&gt;19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;21. I've never broken someone's bones&lt;/b&gt; &lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;23. I hate the rain&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;24. I'm paranoid at times&lt;/b&gt; &lt;br /&gt;25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free &lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;26. I need money right now&lt;/b&gt; &lt;br /&gt;27. I love sushi&lt;br /&gt;28. I talk really, really fast&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;29. I have fresh breath in the morning&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;30. I have semi-long hair &lt;br /&gt;31. I have lost money in Las Vegas&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;34. I shave my legs (females) or face (males) on a regular basis&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;35. I have a twin &lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;36. I have worn fake hair&lt;/b&gt;/fingernails/eyelashes &lt;b&gt;in the past&lt;/b&gt; &lt;br /&gt;37. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;38. I like the way that I look sometimes&lt;/b&gt; &lt;br /&gt;39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months &lt;br /&gt;40. I know how to cornrow&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;41. I am usually pessimistic&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;42. I have a lot of mood swings&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;43. I think prostitution should be legalized&lt;br /&gt;44. I think Britney Spears is pretty&lt;br /&gt;45. I have cheated on a significant other in the past&lt;br /&gt;46. I have a hidden talent &lt;br /&gt;47. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have &lt;br /&gt;48. I have a lot of friends &lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;49. I am currently single&lt;/b&gt; &lt;br /&gt;50. I have kissed someone of the same sex&lt;br /&gt;51. I enjoy talking on the phone&lt;br /&gt;52. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants &lt;br /&gt;53. I love to shop &lt;br /&gt;54. I would rather shop than eat&lt;br /&gt;55. I would classify myself as ghetto &lt;br /&gt;56. I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders&lt;br /&gt;57. I'm obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal &lt;br /&gt;58. I don't hate anyone. I dislike them.&lt;br /&gt;59. I'm a pretty good dancer &lt;br /&gt;60. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington &lt;br /&gt;61. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother &lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;62. I have a cell phone&lt;/b&gt; &lt;br /&gt;63. I believe in something The Darkness said it best&lt;br /&gt;64. I watch MTV on a daily basis&lt;br /&gt;65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months&lt;br /&gt;66. I love drama&lt;br /&gt;67. I have never been in a real relationship before&lt;br /&gt;68. I've rejected someone before&lt;br /&gt;69. I currently have a crush on someone.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;71. I want to have children in the future.&lt;br /&gt;72. I have changed a diaper before&lt;/b&gt; &lt;br /&gt;73. I've called the cops on a friend before&lt;br /&gt;74. I bite my nails &lt;br /&gt;75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club&lt;br /&gt;76. I'm not allergic to anything &lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;77. I have a lot to learn&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;78. I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube’s newest "Friday" movie&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;80. I am shy around the opposite sex&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;81. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message&lt;br /&gt;82. I have at least 5 away messages saved&lt;/b&gt; &lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;83. I have tried alcohol or drugs before&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;84. I have made a move on a friend’s significant other in the past&lt;br /&gt;85. I own the "South Park" movie &lt;br /&gt;86. I have avoided assignments at work to be on Xanga or Livejournal &lt;br /&gt;87. When I was a kid I played doctor with a neighbor or chum&lt;br /&gt;88. I enjoy country music&lt;br /&gt;89. I would die for my best friends &lt;br /&gt;90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza&lt;br /&gt;91. I watch soap operas whenever I can&lt;br /&gt;92. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist &lt;br /&gt;93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career&lt;br /&gt;94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all &lt;br /&gt;95. I know all the words to Slick Rick’s "Children's Story"&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy&lt;/b&gt; &lt;br /&gt;97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it &lt;br /&gt;98. I have dated a close friend’s ex &lt;br /&gt;99. I like surveys &lt;br /&gt;100. I am happy at this moment&lt;br /&gt;101. I'm obsessed with guys/chicks&lt;br /&gt;102. I am bi&lt;br /&gt;103. Democrat&lt;br /&gt;104. Conservative Republican&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;105. I refuse to be tied to either major political party&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;106. I am a punk rocker&lt;br /&gt;107. I am preppy&lt;br /&gt;108. I am a hippy&lt;br /&gt;109. I tie my shoelaces differently to anyone I've ever met &lt;br /&gt;110. Once I fall for someone, I don't get over them &lt;br /&gt;111. I've been the life of a party &lt;br /&gt;112. I have a symbol tied to my identity (or my identity tied to a symbol)&lt;br /&gt;113. I never grew out of "Pretend you are a..." games&lt;br /&gt;114. I have lived on a commune&lt;br /&gt;115. I know the significance of “41"&lt;br /&gt;116. I have taken antidepressants before (Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Wellbutrin, etc.)&lt;br /&gt;117. I can sing&lt;br /&gt;118. Sometimes, I want to be tied up &lt;br /&gt;119. I go for older guys/girls, not younger&lt;br /&gt;120. I study for tests most of the time&lt;br /&gt;121. I love the wind&lt;br /&gt;122. I hate thunder&lt;br /&gt;123. I have a plan for retirement that does not involve the lottery&lt;br /&gt;124. I have a current will&lt;br /&gt;125. 'It's Always 4:20'&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;126. I am confused as to what I want out of life.&lt;/b&gt; &lt;br /&gt;127. I believe in after death communication!&lt;br /&gt;128. I'm happy with my choices in life &lt;br /&gt;129. I love spending time with my girlfriend/boyfriend &lt;br /&gt;130. I love summer time and would move to anywhere where it's summer all the time.&lt;br /&gt;131. I am gay&lt;br /&gt;132. I am bi-curious (from the gay side of the spectrum).&lt;br /&gt;133. I am a college student&lt;br /&gt;134. I am a diva in many ways.&lt;br /&gt;135. I think reality TV shows are stupid. &lt;br /&gt;136. I have at least one tattoo&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;137. I rarely eat 3 meals a day.&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;138. I honestly prefer milk over every other beverage&lt;br /&gt;139. I am supposed to be doing homework right now&lt;br /&gt;140. I am in love. &lt;br /&gt;141. I just cried. A lot. I am scared &amp; beyond worried. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;142. i wish i could say what's on my mind&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;143. My favorite magazine is Cosmopolitan. &lt;br /&gt;144. I do karoke willingly and sober.&lt;br /&gt;145. I am a superhero &lt;br /&gt;146. Reno 911, as stupid as it is...is histerical. &lt;br /&gt;147. i am currently on the phone&lt;br /&gt;148. I'm scared about the future &lt;br /&gt;149. My goal is to be someone's hero one day. &lt;br /&gt;150. I'm such a procrastinator &lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;151. I think Eminem is cool&lt;/b&gt; &lt;br /&gt;152. I like to blow bubbles. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;135. I am Dyslexic.&lt;/b&gt;</content>
  </entry>
  <entry>
    <id>urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:derek32188:21945</id>
    <link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://derek32188.livejournal.com/21945.html"/>
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    <title>derek32188 @ 2004-10-07T15:40:00</title>
    <published>2004-10-07T19:40:47Z</published>
    <updated>2004-10-07T19:40:47Z</updated>
    <content type="html">Algebra I Quad C   Ms. Milone    O                                                Excellent Student, Homework Excellent&lt;br /&gt;Astronomy Acad    Mr. Wilson    O                                                Achievement Good, Classwork is Good&lt;br /&gt;Multi Medi Comm    Mr. Rounds   S                                                Achievement Good&lt;br /&gt;US History CP        Mr. Nuzum    S                                                 Shows Effort, Capable of Doing Better</content>
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